So here is what I am feeling lately. As the boys have started new chapters this year, I am excited for the new stage in parenting! Really, I am! Teenagers! I am not even scared! I cannot believe the amazing boys God has given us. They are fun and I cannot wait to see what the teen years hold for them!
I also am thinking a lot about what I still hope we teach them in these years. Since we are also their youth leaders we will have them as a captive audience quite a bit! What an opportunity! he-he! They HAVE to sit and listen to what we say!
There have been a lot of beautiful thing going on in my life, my marriage, my friendships, and I feel like sharing!
There is also grief. In a couple days we enter the month in which my mother died almost a year ago. It is already hitting me. I don't dwell on it, but I do embrace the grief. It feels good to remember her even though I long to have her still here.
To be honest, her last days here were hard, very, very hard. I have been "re-living" those days too. It just seems to bubble up right now as the anniversary of those days creep closer. We literally watched her died. My sweet mother. I could not stop it, I could not deny it, I could not take it from her. It was God's time for her. I hated that it was not entirely peaceful. She was so amazing, my human heart says she did not deserve to die that way. But I trust God. It is that simple. He, in those moments, gave her the grace and strength to face death. She was not afraid.
I used to fear the suffering that sometimes comes with death. I can't explain it really, but I am less afraid now. Not because of her struggle, but because of what He taught me in my own struggle of losing her. He taught me I don't need to be afraid of anything, because He proved that there is no pain that can take away His peace and presence in my life.
A grieving friend of mine ( who lost her husband recently) posted this today on her status:
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-39)
Nothing can separate me from Him once I have begun a relationship with Him.
So while grief is hard, and sad, and emotional. I don't love it but I don't hate it. I embrace it, along with the memories, because He is holding me tight.
And I don't have to be afraid.
11 comments:
thanks for this Beth...hope someday I can embrace this grief instead of despising it..you encourage me..thanks friend.
`Nicole Keck
I always read, and yes you should keep it up. Maybe it will motivate me to start again, too? :)
I always read, and Yes! You should continue. Maybe you will motivate me to start again? :)
Love your writing, and your heart. <3
I'm still here!!
And I can't believe how old your boys are looking ... Where does the time go?
Grief is such a process. Thank you for sharing your feelings, frustrations, and faith, dear friend. Praying for you these days ahead . . .
Grief is such a process. Thank you for sharing your frustration, feelings, and faith. Praying for you dear friend.
Read it. Cried with you. Loved it. Love you!
(meant to add: Yes! Keep it up!)
So nice to see you blogging. It was two years in June since my Aunt J lost her battle with cancer. It was difficult at times yet it gets easier to remember and smile with less tears. Yes the tears are still there and it still makes me cry and cry to go to her grave. Hang in there.
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