*sigh*

I was going to share a recipe tonight.
I'm not.
Can't find it.
Got something more to share.
Tonight's message at church.
Title "The Characteristics of a Worthy Walk"
Colossians 1:9-14.
God gives our pastor so many neat ways of bringing out His truths in the Bible.
Tonight's message was simple.
Straightforward.
Point 1 was "A worthy walk is characterized by fruitfulness." Our good works are God's fruit in us.
But, I realized something about myself.
I sometimes avoid being fruitful.
Fruitful, as in God doing good things through me for others.
I shy away sometimes from what He wants,but not for the reason you think. I LOVE being used, I LOVE being loving to others in His name. I love it when I fell His leading.
EXCEPT .......when it draws too much attention.
I don't like a lot of attention on my "works" or "good deeds".
For one, it is NOT works that will get me into heaven!
It is through my faith in Jesus Christ.... not even MY faith, but my CHOICE; one choice on one day when I was 5 or 6 years old. THAT day I chose Him and nothing I do will ever change my status before God. Not my good works not my bad works. Grace. Not merit.
I want people to know that being a Christian does not mean I HAVE to do lots of "good stuff", love lots of "unlovely people" or live in guilt over all the things I do wrong on a daily basis.
But back to my point.
I avoid standing out.
I just don't like the attention.
If you know my daddy...... you know where I get this.
Ugh.
But He has called me to stand out.
To do.
To love.
To smile.
To shine.
To beam.
To live His peace.

And He wants me to get noticed. Not for my glory but for His.
THAT is a problem too, I want Him to get the glory. HE makes me want to do, to love, to smile, to shine. He makes it EASY at time, He gives me strength to beam when it is hard.

I am more shy than yall think. Open, but shy. Does that make sense?

Pastor explained that while we are not saved by works, HE HAS STILL CALLED US TO GOOD WORKS.

He brought up the famous passage on works, Ephesians 2:8-9
⁸For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: ⁹Not of works, lest any man should boast.

And then pointed out the very next verse:

¹⁰For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

What a joy to be His workmanship, created to shine for Him! I love it, I do! Really. I just don't want people to think it is me. I want them to know it is Him. All Him.

Good stuff, huh?

whew...

...kind of a relief, huh?

I mean, really.....

... we just can't do it. We cannot fully declare all that He is, all that He does. But he tells us to try!
Declaring is hard for me.
Really.
I shrink.
Sometimes, I shrink bad.
I shrink when I am nervous,
I shrink when I am fearful.
Why?
He says "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of sound mind" ....yep, stumbled on that one last Sunday during the missionary's message.
*Ouch*
Then why am I so afraid?
I let my fear of rejection, of not being "liked", overpower my spirit of love, power and sound mind.
I really WANT to trust, I want to declare.
I know He gives the power, I know He wants me to stop trying to "muster" up the courage.... I just struggle getting from A to B.
And then comes the guilt... fresh from Satan himself...
"Beth, you did it again...Beth you should have said more, Beth where is this courage you are SO sure God can give?"
Doubts, fears..... I WANT to overcome them. (And tell Satan to sit on a tack.)
I want to change.
Okay, .......the times in my that I have "gotten it right" have been the times that I just prayed, "God give me the opportunity, AND the words."
And He does. Often it happens so quickly I don't have TIME to get scared. HE works it out. He does it.
I just want to be the vessel. A vessel that declares.
Today, tonight, I pray,
"God give me the opportunity, AND the words. Make me a light to someone today."
A BRIGHT stinkin' light! I might be judged, I might be shunned, I might be mocked, I might lose friends.... but I live to see my Savior one day and hear God laugh. at Sarah.

*smile*

to hear God laugh

What an amazing privilege it is to bring our prayers to the God of all the universe, the Almighty, the Creator, the Sovereign God. When I am crying out to Him in my time of need... I must admit I don't always come with a heart of gratitude... sometime I come to Him as if He is a magic lamp I wanna rub to see if my wish will come true.
The other day after Jedd finished looking a a toy catalog, he plopped down in a chair beside me with his head low and asked,"Why don't you ever get us anything?" I laughed out loud!
But whew, isn't that the attitude of my heart sometimes before the God of the universe?! I hope He laughs with love at my immaturity and gently reminds me all that He HAS given me.
I can't wait to stand before Him someday and hope to hear him laugh! Well, I take that back, maybe I wanna hear Him laugh at Sarah first!

*smile*