Friday, September 30, 2011

Morning. Mourning. And Morning.

This morning.

I woke up feeling ok, but sad.

Yesterday I was starting to feel "normal".

But today was Friday.

The 30th.

Moma's birthday.

The phone rang. It was the flower shop with a delivery. 

I stared at the date at the corner of my computer screen.

The flowers arrived and the tears came with them. GORGEOUS yellow flowers. From a friend who knows the pain, the tears and the memories all to well of losing someone so close.

Suddenly I could mourn.  The flowers arriving seemed to say it was okay to cry. And it is.  I am not depressed. Just sad. The fact that my blog posts have all been about my mourning may lead you to believe I am sad all the time. My heart is heavy all the time still, but not constantly sad.  The day moma died we were able to laugh together as a family, and we have continued to laugh.  But we have also cried. And it feels good to cry together.

I called my daddy today and instantly the tears began, and I could not get out more words than "I called to say I love you, daddy" and he began to cry.  He said, "We miss her today, don't we." It felt good to cry with him.

We miss her.


Tomorrow is the 1st.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new month.

A new moment in time.

September will be over.

And each day is a little better.


Anne said...

Beth I have thought a lot about you lately and you are in my prayers. I know the past few months have been difficult, but what a blessing of memories you were given. A chance to cherish with your mom, a chance to share your love, a chance to say goodbye. I imagine your heart will be heavy for quite some time and never really whole. Thank God we have faith and know of the everlasting joy waiting for us. You are in my prayers.

Reba said...

Oh, Beth, I cried reading this. I could just picture that exchange with your daddy over the phone. My heart hurts. And it will get better for all of you, in time. But until we are all "home", our true home, I know some days are going to be difficult. Hugs to you.

funkymacgirl said...

beautiful post..sorry for your loss.. another day hopefully things will get better..and they will!
I read alot about being on the Otherside..and they say they are much happier than they could ever be here!!