As I turned from page 153 to 154 I was lost for a moment while I processed what I had just read. And it hit me. If this struggle with food is about setting boundaries and staying within them all the time, no exceptions. And if this struggle is really about letting God fill me rather than food. And if it is about self control rather than deprivation. If it is about just finding what is healthy rather than junk. I can do this.
You see in the past year alone, relying on God has taken on a whole new meaning. God has brought me and my family to a place where relying on God is all we CAN do. So He has taught us well how to let go and let Him sustain us, emotionally and spiritually. I just have not really attempted to translate that relationship he and I have built over into the area of food.
To be honest it seems kind of silly at times or "over religious" to make my poor relationship with food a spiritual issue. I have honestly avoided some religious books on weight loss. It just seemed like it must be taking Scripture a little too far. That is how I rationalized it at times. Or thought, food is good, we are to enjoy what God has blessed us with, and on an on with the arguments to minimize reality. In reality I needed to talk to God about my choices. Food choices included. Not because of my size but because of my heart.
I need to grow.
I need to learn.
I love love love this part of the book:
"I know some may shake their heads while thinking I take all this God stuff too seriously. And I would have to agree completely. I've tasted the deep satisfaction of God and I know all other things are but cheap imitations. And I don't want to be enamored by the lesser things wrought with momentary pleasures. I am a woman who has witnessed too much. I am ruined for good. I too have seen God work miracles . I have been through the impossible. He guided me....... He's given me everything and I don't want to forget. Not with my mind, not with my soul, not with my heart, and certainly not with my body."
That is where I am tonight, y'all. Hope a tiny part of what I have said has made a little sense.